Ever notice how when you're feeling down, your brain starts whispering these tempting (but totally unhelpful) ideas? Like, "Ugh, everyone's probably having a blast on Friday night... except me. Better disappear into a social media vortex for a few hours to confirm!"
Or maybe it's the urge to isolate, canceling plans and burrowing under the covers with your thoughts. The thing I find surprisingly unhelpful is trying to fix it all right then. Trying to solve for our emotions or difficulties often makes things worse. The main reason for this is that we don't see ourselves or our problems clearly when we're in a dysregulated state. As I tell my clients, your emotional mind is not the place to put your entire life up for review.
Why are we like this? Because these urges are strong. Many of us struggle with vulnerability, resist asking for help, or lack effective coping mechanisms. When starting therapy with a new client, I aim to simplify skills as much as possible. This often means advising them to "do the opposite of what you usually do, or what you want to do in the moment."
This initial approach provides a clear and effective starting point. Over time, as clients become more comfortable and skilled, the strategies become more nuanced. Often, we find that the best solutions lie somewhere in the middle. The pendulum swings from one extreme to the other before settling into a balanced, effective approach. This process helps clients understand their behaviors and needs more deeply, setting the stage for long-term growth and healing.
Here's the good news: Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), teaches us to notice these urges to make things worse, and then do the opposite action.
Here are 3 powerful tools to fight back against depressed mood and the urge to make our situation worse:
1. Connect, Don't Isolate: Loneliness is depression's best friend. Reach out to a friend, family member, therapist (me!), anyone who makes you feel supported. Even a quick coffee date or phone call can break the isolation cycle and boost your mood. Reminding yourself you're not alone, by literally not being alone.
2. Chill on the Thinking: Sometimes, our brains go into overdrive when we're dysregulated. We overthink, analyze, and try to solve every problem at once. This mental marathon with urgency and intensity just leads to more overwhelm. Take a vacation from the intense thinking! Watch a funny movie, read a lighthearted book, or do some mindless doodling. Go for a walk, do paced breathing or other emotion regulation skills.
3. Ditch the Phone (Unless It's for Connection!): Social media can be a major bummer magnet. Seeing everyone's perfectly curated online lives can make us feel even worse about ourselves. Put the phone down and resist the urge to compare your insides to other people's outsides. (Spoiler alert: I've never seen this not work to increase someone's mood!)
Remember, we all struggle with low moods sometimes. If you don't know how to make it better, just don't make it worse. If you need extra support, don't hesitate to reach out! I'm taking on new clients for the first time in 3 years, so reach out – I'd love to help!
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