Sometimes, nothing is the best something you can do...
And other times, when you are stuck or feeling paralyzed by the overwhelm of what’s next, the best thing you can do is something, anything. And that’s why life is hard. The most important part of being skillful and using skills, is remembering there are skills when you need them and then being willing to reach for them at the time when they can be useful to you. Dysregulation makes it incredibly more challenging to use skills or feel willing or open in these times of heightened stress when our minds narrow and become increasingly less flexible or thoughtful. This four part formula can help you know what to do, when you don’t know what to do.
What to do when you don’t know what to do:
- Stop. First, stop for min- pause, slow down your breath. What is happening right now? Be curious and non-judgmental of yourself. Say something like: “This is hard for me; I am struggling right now.” Start to slow narrate what is happening, just the facts and staying away from any “always/never” language.
- Engage in a down regulating exercise: The first task when dysregulated is to get (more) regulated.
5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique:
- Focus on your breath: Take 5 slow, deep breaths through your nose, filling your belly with air and feeling it expand. Exhale slowly through your mouth, feeling your belly deflate.
- Engage your senses: Look around and name 5 things you see (a chair, a window, etc.). Then, name 4 things you can touch (your clothing, the floor, a cold glass etc.). Next, name 3 things you can hear (traffic, birds, etc.). Finally, name 2 things you can smell (if safe to do so) and 1 thing you can taste (mint, gum, something sour like sour candy!).
Box Breathing:
- Sit comfortably and close your eyes (or lower gaze).
- Inhale slowly through your nose for a count of 4.
- Hold your breath for a count of 4.
- Exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of 4.
- Hold your breath out for a count of 4.
- Repeat for several minutes.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation (Hand Version):
- Sit comfortably with your arms relaxed at your sides.
- Clench your fists tightly for a count of 5, feeling the tension in your forearms and hands.
- Release your fists slowly and completely, focusing on the relaxation for a count of 5.
- Repeat this process two more times.
- Next, tense your forearms (without clenching fists) for a count of 5, then release slowly for a count of 5. Repeat twice.
- Work your way up your arms, tensing and releasing different muscle groups for a count of 5 each.
Tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique - EFT):
- Identify a specific issue or emotion you want to address (e.g., "I feel overwhelmed”).
- Rate the intensity of that emotion on a scale of 0 (not at all) to 10 (extremely).
- While tapping firmly but gently on the "Karate Chop" point (on the side of your hand, just below the little finger) say the setup statement: "Even though I feel (intense emotion), I deeply and completely accept myself."
- Tap 5 times each on the following acupressure points while repeating a shortened reminder phrase that describes the issue:
- Eyebrow: (Emotion) - "Overwhelmed by urge to act impulsively "
- Temple: (Emotion) - "Overwhelmed by urge to act impulsively "
- Under Eye: (Emotion) - "Overwhelmed by urge to act impulsively "
- Bridge of Nose: (Emotion) - "Overwhelmed by urge to act impulsively"
- Chin: (Emotion) - "Overwhelmed by urge to act impulsively "
- Collarbone: (Emotion) - "Overwhelmed by urge to binge"
- Underarm: (Emotion) - "Overwhelmed by urge to act impulsively "
- Top of Head: (Emotion) - "Overwhelmed by urge to act impulsively "
- After tapping through the points, take a deep breath and re-evaluate the intensity of your emotion. Repeat the tapping sequence if needed until you feel a noticeable shift.
6. Modified Face Plunge for Emotional Cooling:
- Fill a bowl with cool water (not ice cold).
- Take a deep breath and hold it.
- Quickly dunk your face (eyes closed!) into the cool water for 10-20 seconds.
- Come up for air and exhale slowly.
- Now come back to the problem. What am I dealing with? Is this a right now problem? (meaning time sensitive and needs to be addressed today?) if so, say, “I can be intentional without being frantic.” What is the next thing that needs to happen? Work through the problem step by step, think about who you can ask for help, or check in with after you have completed the task at hand.
- If the problem is not a today problem, meaning you can hold off on acting and circle back. Then go back to your originally planned day. Dysregulation gets less and less as time passes, engage in low emotional lifts for the rest of the day and come back to it tomorrow. Remember being skillful and pushing something off until you are more regulated and can be more effective in dealing with it is NOT avoidance.
Follow @meghanbreentherapy for more mental health tips from a therapist.